Writing about my grief led me to publish my own book, and it has helped others too

Steve and his wife Lin were soulmates. They loved nothing more than exploring the world together or sitting in their in Rustington summerhouse and reminiscing over past adventures with a glass of wine.

After Lin died in 2021 following a bone cancer diagnosis the year before, Steve got involved with art classes at St Barnabas Hospice as a way to manage his grief and find comfort and support among other bereaved people.

Three years on, and the pieces of creative writing he began in those classes have been made into a book — Two Equals One: A Tale of Love, Life and Loss, published in May 2024.

Steve has spoken about his experience with St Barnabas, his journey, and how writing his book has helped him with his grief.

Lin and I met at a party in the early nineties. As the only smokers we got chatting to one another outside, and we just clicked.

We were in our early thirties then and after a few years we were inseparable. We were finishing each other’s sentences and knew what the other was thinking. Everything seemed to gel— it was fate.

We had a fabulous life together – we loved to travel and enjoyed so many adventures across Europe, through France, Spain and Portugal, whether in a VW camper van or a banged-up Ford Capri.

Lin and I also loved to go on cruises, and when we both retired in 2016, we had high hopes for the future. However Lin started having some breathing problems. The doctor sent her to St Richard’s Hospital for some scans and they found a lump on her back, behind her lungs.

When Covid came, things got a lot worse, without being able to see a doctor she was diagnosed with a chest infection and prescribed antibiotics.

Her health continued to deteriorate and in 2020, while visiting hospital for osteoarthritis, the radiographer told her she had stage four bone cancer.

I remember her calling me in tears.

Above: Lin and Steve enjoying the sun by the sea

Our first time at St Barnabas

When we were referred to St Barnabas House, it became like a second home.  The people were absolutely lovely. I used to push her around the gardens in her wheelchair and she said to me, ‘I don’t mind if I end my days here’ — she found it very comforting. Nurses from St Barnabas came to our home when things were really bad at the end.

After Lin died, I started getting bereavement support and therapy over the phone. After it had finished, someone invited me to the craft club at the hospice.

Lin was always the crafty one, and I had never tried anything like it before, but I decided to come along.

It’s a really nice atmosphere.

And you really gel with people who are in that same situation. Particularly people who haven’t got close family or children.

Above: Lin and Steve enjoyed travels across Europe

A place for creativity

Stevan, the artist in residence at St Barnabas, is really knowledgeable and helpful. One member is learning to draw, another is making something out of clay, two or three ladies are really good painters.

I use my time to sit and write, sometimes I just sit there and take it all in. It’s been really beneficial for me as it has allowed me to remember a lot of the things that would have remained forgotten — it’s a great reminder of the wonderful life Lin and I shared.

Many of my classmates have benefited from the book as well. They told me how accurate it was at describing grief and captured the emotions that they are going through on their grief journeys as well.

It was nice to hear that they related to it and none of us are alone in those feelings.

Above: Steve writes on his tablet at St Barnabas House

Writing as therapy

People have different ways of dealing with grief. None of them are right or wrong, it’s about whatever works for you, but there’s no reason for people to feel like they’re on their own or struggling — there’s a lot of help out there.

It has been a difficult two and a half years, now I’m just doing my own thing, but this has led me to write about future travels. I’ve just bought a motorhome and I’m looking forward to travelling again.

From the book: ‘ Linda, my best friend and dearest wife of thirty years, I have decided to take up writing as a kind of therapy to cope with losing you. Two strong reasons drive this. Firstly, we had so many wonderful adventures in beautiful places with cock-ups galore, that need to be preserved. Secondly, grief is such a taboo subject and most people are totally unprepared to face it.

I hope that by telling our tale that it might help others some day. ‘