Patient stories

Derrick’s story

Published on: 04/02/2025

Derrick was well-known in his adopted hometown of Steyning for his bubbly personality and caring nature. When he was diagnosed with cancer of the bile duct, it was time for St Barnabas to care for him. Here, his wife Debbie tells their story.

Derrick and I met at our church in London and married when I was 21 and he was 25.  

He was such a kind person, and he really cared for other people. That’s not to say he was perfect – he could also be infuriating because he was so laidback. He was very good at starting projects but couldn’t always be relied upon to finish them. He was still building the wardrobes in our first flat by the time we moved out! 

Derrick absolutely loved to dance. If the music was on, he would be there on the dancefloor and that’s something everyone knew about him, so we’ve laid a brick in his name on St Barnabas’ Walk of Life with the words ‘Forever Dancing’. He was always dancing and that’s how we like to remember him. 

A big personality and a heart of gold

We moved to Steyning 36 years ago. It’s a small town, and Derrick was a familiar face to many, known for his bubbly personality. He could engage in hour-long conversations with complete strangers. The love and respect people had for Derrick was evident at his funeral, when a large crowd gathered to say their final goodbyes.   

He had a heart of gold, and he cared for people very deeply. When we met, Derrick was a church youth group leader and when we moved to West Sussex, he did a lot of voluntary work with young people in the area. I think he was probably the least judgmental person that I’ve ever met – he believed everyone deserved a chance in life and he wanted to help. I think Derrick touched many lives, often in ways he may not have realised. 

He was a big personality with the best smile ever and he came to life when people were around him. He was animated and loud but also humble, patient and a calming presence in our family. 

Derrick was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s in 2019 and took medical retirement. When he started losing a lot of weight a few years later, he had tests which revealed a shadow on his bile duct. Initially, we believed it was a cyst but after a holiday in Bulgaria, when he’d been feeling well and playing volleyball every day, Derrick began to feel unwell and became very itchy. 

That was when he was diagnosed with cancer of the bile duct. Sadly, it was inoperable, and the doctors told us that the prognosis was likely to be only days or weeks. That’s when we were introduced to St Barnabas. 

Regaining dignity

Initially, we had Hospice from Home, which worked well for the first two weeks. Then we had one very difficult week when we struggled to cope. One night, I rang St Barnabas to ask about having a night sitter and they said they had a bed for Derrick in the hospice.  

It was like the answer to my prayers, and I felt an incredible sense of peace as soon as we got to the hospice. St Barnabas saved us, I think. For me, the most wonderful thing was that Derrick got his dignity back.   

We were at the hospice for a week and during that period, it felt like life was suspended. We had that time to be with Derrick and to be a family. I stayed with him the whole time and they moved us to a bigger room so the girls could spend nights with him too. They even let me bring the dog to say goodbye.  

A chance for the whole family to say goodbye

Being at the hospice felt like we were in a bubble where we could focus completely on him. Initially, my daughters weren’t sure about the grandchildren coming to visit the hospice because it might be upsetting for them. However, everyone at St Barnabas helped us realise that although death it sad, it doesn’t have to be scary. One day, six-year-old Ariella asked to see her Grandad. We explained that he was no longer speaking, and she pushed the chair to his bed, stood on it and stroked his cheek. She said: “Grandad, I know you can’t speak to me, but I just want you to know that I love you and I will miss you.” Visiting the hospice hadn’t upset her, it had given her the chance to say goodbye. 

The doctors here explained everything to us, and nothing was ever too much trouble. They were always so honest and open. For me, the most striking thing was that they really cared for Derrick as a person. By the time he got to the hospice he was on morphine, and he had his eyes closed most of the time, but they always spoke to him with courtesy and called him by his name. They treated him with such care and consideration and the fact that he was ill and dying didn’t lessen the importance of giving him his dignity.  

On the day that he died, some of the people that we felt that we’d got to know the best were on duty – a wonderful nurse called Gillian, and a healthcare assistant called Claire. Gillian explained to us that something had changed in Derrick, so we knew it wouldn’t be long. That was a gift because we all said our goodbyes. The girls and I feel that we have no regrets about things that were unsaid. 

Love and care from everyone

From the medical team to the lovely man in the café, and the cleaner who stopped what she was doing to give us a hug, I feel that everyone wrapped us up in love and care. 

It’s hard to put it into words how important St Barnabas was to us, and it breaks my heart that these essential services are reliant on fundraising rather than being properly funded. We’ll continue to support St Barnabas in every way we can. We all took part in Night to Remember – including the grandchildren – and I’ve set up a regular direct debit. 

The Light Up a Life and Sunflower Memories remembrance events mean a lot to us. Derrick has gone, but his legacy carries on because St Barnabas hasn’t forgotten him. I feel like if I was really struggling, I could pick up the phone and St Barnabas would be there. 

Derrick cared so much about everybody in his life. When he was dying, St Barnabas cared for him. 

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A group of nurses outside the Hospice