Making Memories: Derrick's story

Derrick's wife Debbie explains what our care meant to them.

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Derrick had a “heart of gold” and was “one of the kindest people you could ever meet”. After being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, and later incurable cancer, his health declined quickly.

During the final week of his life, he was cared for on the inpatient unit at St Barnabas House, which meant his family could spend precious time with him — holding his hand, sharing precious memories, and saying goodbye.

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Derrick’s story

Images and words kindly shared by Derrick’s wife, Debbie

Derrick was one of the kindest people you could ever meet. He had a heart of gold and would talk to absolutely anyone – often for hours. He was very gregarious and always first on the dance floor! He was so laid back, infuriatingly so. I learned to live with half-finished projects dotted around the house. That was Derrick.

In 2019 Derrick retired after being diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. Then a couple of years later he started losing weight. Endless appointments and tests followed. Eventually, in February 2023, a shadow was found on his bile duct. Initially we were told it was a cyst and it would be okay. Sadly, it wasn’t.

Derrick sitting at a table outside a restaurant, smiling at the camera

That August we went on holiday, Derrick played volleyball every day. But when we returned home, he became unwell. More tests followed. This time we received the devastating news: Derrick had bile duct cancer.

He deteriorated really quickly and we needed help. We were referred to St Barnabas and initially had Hospice at Home care. Family and friends came to say their goodbyes – which was beautiful, but exhausting. Then came the final week, it was terrible. Derrick would be up all night. He could barely walk at this point but was still trying to get around. It was really dangerous.

Derrick and his daughters in a photobooth, wearing and holding props and pulling faces

When St Barnabas told us they had a bed available, it felt like the answer to my prayers

From the moment we walked into the hospice we felt like we were wrapped up in a big hug. It wasn’t just Derrick they cared for. They cared for our whole family too – me and the girls, Jemma, Catherine and Livvie.

For the first time in days, we could simply sit with Derrick, hold his hand and reminisce. Nothing was too much trouble for the staff. They cared for Derrick so we could focus on being a family. I was even able to bring our dog in to say goodbye. That meant everything.

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Initially my daughters weren’t sure about bringing the grandchildren to visit. They thought it might be too upsetting. But St Barnabas helped us see that while death is deeply sad, it doesn’t have to be scary.

One day, our six-year-old granddaughter Ariella asked to see her grandad. We gently explained that he wasn’t able to speak anymore. She pulled a chair up to his bed, stood on it, stroked his cheek and said, “Grandad, I know you can’t speak to me, but I just want you to know that I love you and I will miss you.”

The team at the hospice treated Derrick with such dignity. They called him by his name. They spoke to him gently, even when his eyes were closed and he could no longer respond. They made sure he was comfortable. They saw him as a person – not just a patient.

The nurses were honest and open with us. One day they told us that something had changed. Because of them, we were prepared.

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We were given the precious gift of time. Time to say everything we needed to. Time to laugh and reminisce. We have no regrets about words left unspoken; St Barnabas gave us that.

It was painful but the peace and care carried us through a difficult week. That is something I will be forever grateful for.

Derrick died a month after his cancer diagnosis. But St Barnabas made losing Derrick a little easier by giving him the most dignified, peaceful death. We look back and think ‘what a wonderful way to die.’ I’m so grateful for the time we had at St Barnabas and the care we received. From the doctors and nurses to the cleaner who stopped what she was doing to give me the biggest hug – every single person cared.

Sunflowers in the window at St Barnabas house hospice

St Barnabas is a haven, a place filled with compassion

I feel an incredible sense of peace when I go back. It breaks my heart that the hospice doesn’t receive enough funding from the government. It makes a huge difference to other families experiencing the same loss.

Derrick may be gone but he’s still here with us. His legacy lives on. Seeing his sunflower displayed at the hospice last year reminded us that he hasn’t been forgotten. And neither have we.

A design for a sunflower window cling, with a name tag reading

Dedicate your own sunflower this summer

If, like Debbie, you'd like to remember a loved one this summer, you are warmly invited to dedicate a sunflower in their memory.

The sunflowers will fill the windows of the hospice main reception throughout August, and you are welcome to visit our chapel if you wish to have some quiet time to reflect.

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