Why I’m here for you – staff stories

“I am here to hold your hand.”

Terry is a nurse on our inpatient unit

“Before I started working at St Barnabas House, I supported two good friends as they came to the end of their lives.

Coming to St Barnabas with them was a great relief, because both friends lived on their own. They were going through a range of challenging symptoms and there were times when I wasn’t around to help them.

One of those friends was a nurse herself and a few days before she died, she said to me: ‘Little sister, you should come and work here at St Barnabas and help people who are going through the same thing I’m facing now.’

One day, perhaps two or three years after she died, I just knew it was time. That’s when I applied for a job at St Barnabas, and I’ve now been here four years.

Nowadays, we have a lot of younger people coming in with very complex conditions. Often, they have young children. As a nurse, you think: ‘This could be my younger sister, my daughter, my brother or my friend. This could be me, nearing the end. How would I want to be looked after?’

Sometimes when we’re caring for them, families see the uniform and think that we’re different from them somehow. And of course we are professionals, but I want them to know that we’re people too. I have also lost loved ones, and I know how hard it is.

What I want families to know is that while no-one can change the trajectory of their loved one’s illness, they can change everything just by being there, building memories with them. I know that can be hard, and if they want to cry or just talk, I am here to listen to them. If they want someone to keep them company, I am here to hold their hand.”

“Since Mum died, I have found I can relate better to our families”

Katie is our future care coordinator

“After working on the inpatient unit for so many years, I had a lot of hands-on experience of what hospice care means – the holistic side and the medical side. Even so, when my own mum received a late diagnosis of lung cancer during the COVID lockdown, my experience didn’t prepare me for the grief I would feel.

Because of my experience here, I could see that my mum was travelling a familiar pathway. I knew that my mum could feel that she had all this support from us, because I felt confident enough to help my sisters through her dying process. Although in some respects I felt I knew everything about what would happen, I also felt I didn’t know anything – in a way you don’t until it happens to you.

Since Mum died, I have found I’m able to relate better, to understand what patients and families are going through. And although I wouldn’t say ‘I know how you feel,’ because everyone’s journey is different, I have some experience of the processes we put in place, and I know they work. I can give families that reassurance.”