Show your love: Dan and Carl's story

Read Dan and Carl’s story

Kindly shared by their sister, Marie

I want to share the story of my brothers, Dan and Carl, who were both diagnosed with the same rare cancer – and then died within three months of each other.

Born just a year apart, Dan and Carl had an unbreakable bond and were always known as ‘the brothers’. As their little sister, I felt safe with them – they were my protectors. We were a close-knit family, and with our mum, the four of us were a strong unit. We showed our love with humour and our home was full of laughter.

The grief of losing both of my brothers so close together is something I struggle to put into words. Whilst their journeys were different, they shared one wish: to spend their final days at home. Thanks to St Barnabas House, they were both able to live out their final wishes, spending their most precious moments at home with family, pets and friends.

Dan’s journey

Dan’s diagnosis came at the end of 2022. He’d been a fit and healthy 40-year-old, so the news was incredibly shocking. The only long-term cure for this rare cancer is a stem-cell transplant, and unfortunately a match never came. With no hope of long-term recovery, Dan decided to stop treatment, telling us, ‘I’ll live while I’m alive, and then I’ll die.’

It was hard to hear, but we understood. If there was little hope of a cure, he didn’t want to keep putting his body through distressing treatments.

Understanding what mattered to Dan

This is when St Barnabas House first became part of our lives. The team visited Dan at home and listened carefully to what mattered to him. That was what stood out most: they took the time to understand Dan as a person and what his priorities were. With the hospice’s exceptional care, the side effects from his treatment eased. He began to gain strength back and to live well, as he’d intended.

When Dan made the decision to stop treatment, the hospice helped him live well in the time he had left. He made a modest list of things he wanted to do: see comedy shows, West End musicals, and watch his beloved Manchester United play.

We went with him to Amsterdam, somewhere he’d always wanted to go, and the three of us had so much fun. It was really special having that time to just be siblings – showing our love by being silly and making each other laugh. Dan even got to see his favourite band AC/DC. Thanks to the hospice’s care, Dan was able to build up his strength for each trip.

St Barnabas gave Dan the strength to spend Christmas at home

One of my most treasured memories is Christmas 2023. Dan had a great love of food and cooking, and for his festive wish he wanted nothing more than to make us a spectacular Christmas lunch while he still could. With specialist hospice care at home, he was well enough to do it.

That Christmas Day started like any other, with the four of us sharing breakfast. While Dan prepared lunch, Mum went to have a bath – and proceeded to get stuck, leaving Carl to haul her out. We all had a good laugh, and spent the rest of the morning together, singing along to alternative festive music while the smell of turkey filled the house.

When we sat down to eat, it was one of the best meals Dan had ever cooked. He was so proud. It was his way of showing love – he could still look after us.

When we exchanged presents, they discovered I’d bought a poster of the four of us as The Simpsons, filling the house with laughter as everyone noticed the details: Carl’s snake, Dan’s dog, my bunnies – all in the same room! Laughter was our love language, and although the situation at hand was tragic, that time together has given us memories filled with joy – which was only possible because of the hospice and their care.

Carl’s journey

Unbelievably, just a few months later, our world turned upside down again. Carl was diagnosed with exactly the same cancer, also aged just 40. A family of four, and half of us had this rare disease – the odds should have been impossible.

Carl faced his treatment with determination – he really wanted to beat this for Dan. He lost his sight in one eye and had to learn to walk again. By this time, Dan was well enough to support Carl. They were still ‘the brothers’, two peas in a pod, going through it together in a way only they understood.

When Dan began to slow down, we knew he didn’t have long left. As a family, we found ourselves living two realities at once: Dan was moving gently towards death on his own terms, while Carl was fighting with every ounce of strength to stay alive.

In March 2025, Dan died at home, exactly where he wanted to be. The hospice had understood his wishes from the start, and made it possible for him to be in familiar surroundings, with his family and dogs by his side.

We barely had time to grieve for him before it became clear that Carl’s treatment wasn’t working and he was not going to get better. He had a choice: stay in hospital or go home for the days he had left. ‘Well, obviously I want to go home,’ he bravely said, with tears in his eyes.

Bringing calm to a frightening time

The hospice team rallied immediately, organising transport and equipment to get Carl home within two days. Without their swift action, he would almost certainly have died in a busy, noisy hospital. Instead of strangers, hospital lights and beeping machines, he had his own music, his pets and the people he loved around him.

The nurses already knew us from caring for Dan. I remember thinking, ‘You’re not strangers. You remember us.’ Their care brought calm to a situation that could so easily have been frightening and chaotic. They were there for Carl – and they were there for Mum and me too.

Carl died early on the Saturday morning, with Mum and me holding his hands and a dog on each leg, literally surrounded by love. Those days at home were so important for him – and for us as a family.

Keeping a promise