10 ways to create special memories with a loved one who is approaching the end of their life

When someone is nearing the end of their life, time becomes incredibly precious. Here at St Barnabas House, we want to help families make special memories together, right up to the last moment. In such difficult times, it’s about simply being present for your loved one and finding beauty in the every day. Elaine Hall, Team Leader for our Patient and Family Support team, shares some ideas.

Ten tips to help make memories together

1. Create a memory jar or memory box

A simple yet powerful way to remember someone is by collecting memories of the good times you’ve spent together. Chat with them about their recollections and yours – write these memories down on pieces of paper, fold them up and place them in the jar or box. They could also include a favourite recipe or quote, or a piece of advice or message for the future. Spraying their favourite scent onto something special they have written can also be a meaningful keepsake.

You could also ask friends and family to write down their favourite stories, comments, or memories of your loved one and add those too. Over time, this becomes a way to revisit joyful moments and perhaps even learn new things about them. You can open it on special anniversaries or whenever you feel the need to reconnect.

2. Record their stories and ask them ‘what matters most?’

Sit with them and ask about their life – what matters most to them and what they’ve learnt along the way. What are they most proud of? What advice would they give to others? What do they want to be remembered for? What were the happiest moments of their life? They might also want to record special messages for family members. You can write these insights down, or record audio or video (if they’re comfortable with that).

The Blackbird Project helps hospice patients capture their distinct voice – providing their loved ones with a digital memory for years to come. One of our specially trained volunteers can help guide your loved one through the process and discuss what memories they’d like to record. They’re then downloaded onto a bespoke, blackbird-shaped USB and given to a nominated person.

You might also want to use photos, notes, drawings, or little mementos to build a scrapbook.

3. Begin a project together which you will continue in their memory

Is your loved one passionate about a cause? Do they have a dream that went unfulfilled? Carrying on their work or creating something in their name can feel deeply meaningful and they can contribute with ideas and insights. This might mean starting a scholarship or award, a community project, or something else in their memory. Perhaps it’s as simple as getting a bench or a plaque made to put in one of their favourite places – for family or the wider community to sit and reflect.

Image above: Even gentle activities such as arts and crafts or scrapbooking can create precious memories and prompt conversations

6. Do gentle activities together

Puzzles, knitting, meditation, or simply sitting in nature can be calming. Crafts such as handprint or fingerprint art are simple ways to preserve a physical memory, or you might want to start a bigger project such as making a patchwork quilt together.

7. The gift of stillness and presence

Being fully present with your loved one is powerful. Often, we are easily distracted by our phones and devices, and our busy lives. Making memories doesn’t always have to be about deep conversations – just being there, holding their hand, and giving them your full attention can be enough. Simple acts like brushing their hair, applying lotion to their hands, or giving a foot rub can reassure them they are loved and not alone. Sometimes the most profound moments happen in silence.