Helen and Adrian’s story

My husband, Adrian, was a real cheeky chappie and much-loved engineering and motorsports teacher. He was also head of department at Northbrook College – a role that made him exceptionally proud. His happy place was his home workshop, where he rebuilt cars and motorbikes.  

Adrian had lived with multiple myeloma – a cancer of the bone marrow – for 13 years when he was referred to St Barnabas House. Our options for treatment were coming to an end, and he was starting to get more symptomatic.  

Above: Images of Adrian and Helen

Hospice care can help maintain independence

Despite his diagnosis, St Barnabas helped Adrian maintain his independence. His workshop was where he’d go when he needed to escape. When the time came, St Barnabas installed grab rails and provided a perching chair, so he could continue to potter about doing what he loved.  

As well as symptom management and physiotherapy, St Barnabas gave Adrian the opportunity to join different groups and classes at the hospice. After attending some exercise classes, he found out about the art room, and the hospice’s artist-in-residence, Stevan, who ran a photography course. Adrian had a good camera and wanted to learn more about photography, so this was an opportunity to develop his skills.  

Stevan would set him homework, which would often result in us having an unexpected day out together with his camera. One of the tasks was to capture different types of light and I have memories of us strolling along the beach at sunset and Adrian sitting on a bench looking out to sea, waiting for the light to be perfect. Another time, we visited the hospice gardens with our dog, Mollie, and sat peacefully by the water fountain so he could practise taking photos of moving water.  

Above: Helen and Steven in the St Barnabas gardens

Making memories 

We wanted to make as many memories as we could, and Adrian captured much of this on his much-loved camera. After the pandemic we bought a motorhome and travelled the country – even going to superbike races at Brands Hatch, another of Adrian’s passions. Travel can be intimidating when you’re unwell, but the hospice gave us plenty of useful advice that helped us to continue making memories. 

During his time visiting the art room, Adrian was also diagnosed with bowel cancer. It was a shock for both of us, but the photography outings continued to bring some much-needed balance and normality to both our lives. Those memories are now even more precious, because just five months after his bowel cancer diagnosis, Adrian died. He was only 55. 

After Adrian passed away, going to the art room myself was part of the support I had from St Barnabas. I enjoy art anyway, and for me it was an opportunity to explore different materials and methods.  

Exploring my own creativity 

I’ve done some work with clay, making a range of models. One was a face which exploded in the kiln! I spent some time gluing that back together and Stevan and I spoke about the Japanese art of Kintsugi. It’s a way of repairing broken things by applying decorative lacquer to the cracks, so they become even more beautiful than they were before they were damaged. 

I have learnt so much and coming to the art room at St Barnabas has really given me the opportunity to explore my creativity, talk, and work through my grief. It’s also a great opportunity to talk to other people in a similar situation, while discovering things about yourself.  

Inspired by Adrian, I’ve invested in my own proper camera. Stevan helped me set it up and we’ve spent time in the grounds of St Barnabas House working on focus, distance and lighting — it’s been brilliant. 

Above: A selection of Helen’s photographs

Always by my side 

Many years ago, Adrian proposed to me in San Francisco on the Golden Gate Bridge. I’d planned on returning to the bridge to scatter some of Adrian’s ashes, but for a variety of reasons the trip wasn’t meant to be. Instead, I booked a cruise – sailing from Alaska down to Vancouver, a trip we were planning to take together. It was my first solo holiday without Adrian, and I questioned what I was doing so far from home. But I knew Adrian would’ve been proud of me – and in a way, it felt like he was there with me. 

The scenery was spectacular and ever-changing. I took hundreds of pictures – bears feeding on salmon in a river, eagles soaring overhead, and a humpback whale with its tail cresting the water.  

I couldn’t have done it without the support and friendship I’ve found at St Barnabas House, so I’ve recently returned to the art room as a volunteer to help others make memories together. Volunteering at the hospice and helping support other people with life-limiting illnesses means an enormous amount to me, to the extent that I am now training to become an end-of-life doula – providing emotional, spiritual and practical support to people who are dying. 

The hospice really helped me move forward with my grief and now I want to help others as they face the hardest of times.